Today is one of those sad slow evenings. Particularly today this evening comes after a long busy day of fun spent out in the sun and sea. I am perched now on top of my bed continuing to silence my feelings and calming my thoughts for the sacred moment of sleep. I don’t want to be sensitive, I don’t want to be overyly sentimental which is something that often happens to me on these slow kind of evenings. A feeling like I am missing somebody – my family maybe or somebody who I don’t know. Or this strange feeling of confusion, like what is life?
But I have mastered the art of not feeling now, atleast not very deeply or responding to all those feelings. I am an adult like that. I have been adulting so far like that – no feelings. All I want to feel is those that I own. I have fun for me, I talk for me, I laugh for me and I love for me. When I walk into a party or some space, what I try to have first is my own good company before I try to have it with other people. I do not have any expectation, and I do not require much from other people. I’ll be comfortable for me because my happiness is my own. My sleep is my own. My bed is my own. My clothes is my own. My body is my own. The love that I have for my family and friends is my own. I am a person of my own.
There is someone who I have been thinking a lot about with regards to this – the singer H.E.R. How her persona is her own, her music is her own, she owns her space. And that is where my mind has been for the past few days and weeks, owning my space. Before the part where they say I am here for a purpose I would first like to state that I am here to create and live in a space of my own intellectually, artistically, physically and spiritually. I am happily on my own.
Kaliova 